Travis Ryan Sellers

My brother died yesterday... It's hard to find the words or even describe how I'm feeling. Lots of mixed emotions- sadness of course, but gratitude too. Travis was 30 yrs old and just above me in birth order. He was my parents' first son, fifth child. When he was born, the doctor said, "It's a boy!" My mom said, "No way! You're lying!" Naturally they were excited to have a son. They named him Travis Ryan. I love that name. Obviously. I named my son after him. All of our kids are named after someone.

He died in a single car accident. I am grateful that he was alone and that no other cars were involved. I am grateful for the Savior. The first thought I had when we got the phone call from my dad was how grateful I am for the Savior and the atonement. I am grateful for the relationship I had with Travis. I cannot say that we were best friends, but I can say that I was loyal and that I showed that I cared.

My mind has been flooded with thoughts and memories- pieces of memories mixed up and scattered over time. Little things. There was a dance Travis did when he was a teenager that we called his "Fred Astaire". I can copy him. When he was on his mission to Ecuador, or off at college, sometimes I would do his dance to be funny.

Travis loved Legos- we all did. I have many memories of playing with him and David and Cari and Marianne and Kelly and building what we could. Travis got all of the best pieces of Legos and I got scraps. (They were his and David's toy) He'd build a big ranch house and have horses and a nice barn and we got to work at his ranch and live in shanties. And somehow he made us feel happy about it and fortunate. Every Christmas/Easter/Halloween he'd barter with us for our candy. For example, he give us 3 of a yucky candy or sucker for 1 piece of chocolate. So we'd have more candy than him which made us a great deal! We fell for it every year. When we played Monopoly, Travis was always the banker, I was never good with math or banking. He always won the games, if we ever made it to the end. When I was about 20 or 21 he told me he'd always cheated on those games. !!??!!? How did we miss it all those times?! Here's how, if we ever bought anything or paid anything, he'd put the money in the bank and slip himself a few hundred dollars. He was pretty smart. Once, we all worked hard to clean out our barn and my dad said he'd pay us. Travis talked us all into putting the money together and buying a new Nintendo game controller. We agreed to do it, on the condition that we would all get to play with it. Of course, we were at his mercy and he got first dibs.

When he started kindergarten they asked him what ketchup was made of, he said blood. My mom asked him why he said that when he knew it wasn't and he said something like, "It's more fun to say blood" or something clever like that. Travis played baseball when he was little, his team was the Cardinals. Ever since then I've always noticed cardinals more than any other birds- sort of endearing.

I remember watching Travis at a stake dance once. He was dancing with Tiffany Driggs- he had a huge crush on her. It was kind of a swing dance, he slid her between his legs on the floor and then pulled her up in the air. It was amazing- I never knew he could dance like that. I don't think he did either!

One time Travis took me to a friends house in Austin. When he dropped me off to go to his friends house, he turned to me and said, "Jill? I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you." I was shocked. I said, "It's okay." At that moment, I felt his love. Most of our childhood he teased and made fun of me and my siblings. He had a great sense of humor, but sometimes it was at other's expense.

Now, years later, I feel like I've been there when I needed to be. I feel at peace with my relationship with him. My heart goes out to my family, his wife and his two sweet kids. I hope and pray that I can be involved in their lives and that they will feel peace as well. I will miss Travis, but I know where he is and that I will see him again. I know that my Savior loves him, just as much as any prophet, just as much as me. I am grateful for that testimony. I am grateful for your thoughts and prayers and support. Thank you.

My sisters, Cari and Sarah posted something as well. You can check out their blogs- I don't think anyone could say anything better than they did...