No Excuses

It's no secret that I am a loyal fan of The Biggest Loser. I watch every episode, every season. It's so fascinating to see people transform right before your eyes. Who will the contestants pick & why? I always imagine myself getting to choose my trainer. When Jillian was there- she was my first choice every time. No offense to Bob- he was great too. I just knew Jillian had a great track record & her people won the most. I didn't mind the yelling/in-your-face approach either. And, I admit, I like that our names are similar. (For the record, my name is just Jill, not short for Jillian, or Jilleth as my husband & brother-in-law like to call me. Doesn't that remind you of Lilleth from Cheers/Frasier? Not a compliment, is it? Johnny says that's not what he thinks of. Anyway, babbling.)

Now that Jillian is gone, I have to say I really REALLY like Dolvett! And I'm not gonna be one of those gross mom's with an inappropriate crush. Haha! I like his story (abandoned/adopted/successful), his approach & results. He has the right amount of nice and the right amount of push. If I were on the Biggest Loser, I would choose to train with Dolvett. Who would you train with?

Last week we tuned in to the first episode of this season. I was super excited about it and we decided to "participate", which means workout consistently for the duration of the show. I was so bummed though because we both had colds. I felt horrible- chills, aches, pounding head and stuffy nose. It just wasn't possible to workout. The show was super-motivating! Each time they talked about the reasons we all have for not working out made me think about us and reflect on how we spend our time. I definitely wanted to do better. Then... I went to sleep. After about three days/nights of not sleeping well and feeling tired, I wondered if I really "needed" to workout. Maybe it was okay to just be like I am and continue doing what I do. I know I don't have a weight problem and I'm not as likely to have serious health problems, so maybe it's not necessary. I've gone back and forth in my mind as to why working out is a good thing for me, but hadn't had enough motivation to try it.

I've become so complacent and it's really affecting my perspective. I feel myself reverting to postpartum depression and not caring quite as much, feeling blah and getting easily frustrated. Most days I do what has to be done, but not really pushing myself too much. I rarely talk to anyone besides my kids and Johnny. (I know the door swings both ways & I should reach out to people- I'm not complaining, just stating the truth, as unpleasant as it is.) My point is, I haven't been doing as well as I could.

Today, I changed. (It IS Monday after-all!) I turned on the DVR, so I could listen to The Office while I did the dishes. Only, the episode was mislabeled and had recorded an infomercial instead. It was for Chalene Johnson's TurboFire. It looked really fun actually. Before I knew it, I had watched probably 15 minutes of it. It woke me up- I remembered when I consistently did TurboJam for 90 days and how good I felt and how much fun it was! At that time, I admit I did it for the results. But looking back I got so much more out of it- I felt good about myself, not because of how I looked, but because I was accomplishing something and sticking to something. I realized I did something that was hard and pushed myself and got better at it. I wasn't wasting my time or being selfish. Watching that infomercial today was the personal revelation I needed and had been fasting and praying for. To workout, I needed to do it for the right reason for me. "The results" weren't motivating for me. I couldn't make myself get off the couch and away from the movie to workout by telling myself I want to tone and look like whatever. My epiphany came when I realized I need to workout because I need to do something hard. I need to push myself every day. I need to feel good about myself because I'm doing something good for myself. I need the endorphins! My family needs this. Working out every day will give me that sense of accomplishment and hopefully, I'll be better.

I didn't even watch the whole infomercial, but what I watched was enough to trigger my thoughts and change my way of thinking. So, tonight, after I put the kids to bed, I turned on TurboJam Cardio Party Mix 1 and pushed myself for the entire 43 minutes. It felt great.

Tomorrow night, I'll be ready for The Biggest Loser, without any excuses.

Holiday Fun

Do you remember that Christmas song? I forget who sings it, but it says "If we make it through December, everything's gonna be alright I know..." It's not a very holiday-ish happy song, but I couldn't help but relate to it for a couple of weeks there. Johnny's courses have taken so much of our time and energy that it really was a struggle just to decorate for Christmas, not to mention shop for gifts. But, I am happy to report that his efforts paid off. He earned "A's" in BOTH 8 week courses!! Cue applause- no wait- I think this calls for a standing ovation! Seriously- the hardest earned "A" in one of the classes, which made for the worst 8 weeks ever.

The semester (for Johnny and the kids) ended December 16 and we have been partying ever since. I can't say enough about how nice it is to have this brea.

Here's a little timeline of what we've been up to:

Sunday, December 18- Johnny was scheduled to work, but because of a low census & nice coworkers, he was put on call. After church, his family drove all the way up here & we celebrated Christmas with them. We had such a good time. After the party, Johnny's brother & sister-in-law were gracious (or crazy) enough to drive our car and all of our kids 1 1/2 hours to their house for 2 nights. Oh- and did I mention they have 5 kids of their own? Yeah- you did the math right- that makes 11 kids! (Ages 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 5, 4, 14 months and 13 months.) Why would they do this? Because Johnny had PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) training in Houston the next 2 days & I was going with him. AND our kids love their cousins! It was a win-win!
Monday, December 19- Wake up at 4:30 AM, get dressed, packed and leave for Houston. We find the location of the class early, so we do a little shopping. Finally its time for Johnny to go to his class, so I drop him off, finish shopping for Christmas and check-in to the hotel (which we booked on Priceline and saved 55%, thank you very much! The hospital will be reimbursing us, but still! Crazy good deal.) Johnny finishes his class, I pick him up, we eat and head back to the hotel to study PALS. Fun.
Tuesday, December 20- Johnny gets to his class and I go by myself (first time) to the temple. It was really nice & I got to see several friends/family members there. I picked Johnny up & after lunch, went back to the temple together. It was a lovely day and we were happy to pick our kids up on our way home. They had a blast!
Friday, December 23- Christmas Eve Eve. We drove down to be with my family. We got there early so we could visit and it was lots of fun. We loved the company, the food and the gifts. In that order.
Saturday, December 24- Christmas Eve! It was cold and rainy but we made the most of every minute. I finished up some shopping, the kids & Johnny had a mini Harry Potter marathon. ?? We cooked 2 chickens (to freeze for meals & to use in our dressing) and smoked a turkey. We enjoyed a Christmas dinner that night- smoked turkey, our favorite dressing (mother-in-law's recipe. Mmm!), and cranberry sauce. Then, the moment the kids waited all day/year for- opening presents! After reading the birth of the Savior in Luke, we sang Christmas songs and, one at a time, opened our gifts. I wanted it to last as long as possible. Then, of course, we read The Night Before Christmas, or rather, Bryn's bear read it to us while I turned the pages. Tucking them in was so sweet. This was our first Christmas in the new house.
Sunday, December 25- Christmas Day and Johnny had to work. (Not that I'm counting, but this was the 3rd year in a row that he had to work on Christmas Day. At least it's a day shift now.) We woke the kids up extra early do they could see what Santa brought before Johnny left for work. Even if you're sleep deprived, that is the most magical moment and really is priceless! The kids got to play a while before we rushed out the door for Sacrament meeting. After church, I dressed back into my pajamas, put Samuel to bed and accidentally slipped into a coma. The kids were oblivious for the most part. Once I came to my senses, Katherine & I made a few pies and reheated our Christmas dinner. It was fun and relaxing. Oh! And Santa was so nice and brought the kids a swingset!!
Monday, December 26- Johnny was put on-call. Yay!
Tuesday, December 27- Johnny on-call AGAIN & HAPPY 6th BIRTHDAY to Ella! We celebrated her and worked in the yard. The kids loved playing on the swingset in the beautiful weather. That evening, we had dinner with our friends & watched 17 Miracles. Have you seen it? So amazing!!
Wednesday, December 28- relaxed at home!
Thursday, December 29- Johnny borrowed the neighbors lawn mower - we hasn't mowed since this summer & the grass needed it! Then we took down the tree & put our house back together. It was kind of sad, but it was the only day we had to do it. Then, our friends came over (same ones from Tuesday) and watched The Count of Monte Cristo. Good movie and great company.
Today- We happened to have the same plans as our friends and met up at the zoo. It was so fun to see them and enjoy the amazing animals. We took lots of pictures. Then we had lunch and took the kids to the mall. It was rather boring because everything was so expensive, but we liked looking. We promised to take the kids to Toys R Us, since most of them had never been. They knew they weren't getting anything, unless they had money to spend, but they couldn't wait to see it! Almost immediately, it was a let-down. Yes it's a huge toy store, but they have all of the same toys as Walmart and Target, with a few exceptions. Pretty disappointing.

It's been a great month and we've enjoyed spending time together. Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year.

We have so much to look forward to this coming year. Johnny starts classes again January 17- we'll be more prepared this time. We plan on paying off our car, possibly both cars- that's gonna feel so good! I love having solid/productive plans. It gives me a lot to look forward to and makes me feel like I'm on the right track.

Lessons Learned

Albert Einstein has been quoted as saying, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." I think that's how it goes.

It's no secret that I have struggled with how to teach my kids. Over the last six weeks, it has become especially burdensome. With Johnny working full-time and taking two 8-week online courses, our schedule has been brutal. One of his courses has been particularly difficult to keep up with and I have been helping Johnny complete his reading and assignments. Some of you know the extent of the work we have put into it. And we still have two weeks until it's over. So far, he has an "A" in the less time-consuming course, and a weak "B" (maybe even a "C") in the "this class is your life and it will kill you before you're done, and it doesn't matter that you spend over 20 hours a week on the assignments, your critical thinking skills are not up to par because I will always ask you vague questions because I know everything and you know nothing and by proving your incompetency, I show my strengths and feel better about myself, AND I will not provide any feedback on your grades or give you any help so that you will need to retake my course and I can do this all over again because it's favorite!" Um...sorry. I might've gotten carried away, but probably not, especially considering that I refrained from calling her a Nazi or using less desirable language, that I may or may not have used within the walls of my own home. :/ It seems like this class brings out the worst in me. I asked Johnny the other day if he would rather do these 8 week courses, or go through my postpartum depression again? "Hands down, these courses!" he said. "Really? Hmmm... I don't know. I guess." I answered. These have been the longest 8 weeks of my life- I realize they're not over yet. Seriously though, all of my pregnancies combined- that would be a total of 8 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages and 1 pregnancy with gestational diabetes- were WAY less stressful than these courses.

Anyway, ahem, where was I? Oh yes, the kids. So just before Thanksgiving, I was especially stressed out. In tears, I expressed my concerns for the kids with Johnny. It's been on my mind for...weeks if not months. I worried that I wasted time, made mistakes and failed miserably. It was difficult to know where the kids should be and how to get there effectively. It has never, NEVER, been my desire to have a "full-time job". You may laugh and say, "Then why do you have 6 kids?" For me, having the kids and raising them comes naturally (not that I always know what to do or how to do it). But structured teaching (lessons, curriculum, etc.), NOT my thing. We agreed it would be better for the kids to attend public school.

Yeah. Don't take it as such a shock. This decision was not made lightly. I've beat myself up pretty badly- thoughts of ridicule from friends and family, school faculty and the repercussions my children would face... This is a sensitive subject for me. Should anyone feel the need to say, "I told you so" or "I never thought homeschooling was a good idea" or "I didn't think you would stick with it" or "You should never have homeschooled" or anything similar... that's fine. That's totally ok, I realize people have opinions- just don't say it to me, or let me hear about it from anyone else. On the other hand, if you have words of encouragement or anything positive to say, I'm all ears. ;)

In order for the kids to go to school, Ella had to get immunizations. I was able to take her (and poor Samuel who was way behind on his) and get shots Tuesday morning. She had to have 5 shots and didn't cry once! Samuel needed 7, but got 4, and, of course, cried. By the time we got to the school and I filled out a boat-load of paperwork, there were about 2-2 1/2 hours left of the school day. Oh well. The kids were SO excited about going, which made it infinitely easier on me. As I walked with the school counselor to each of the kid's classrooms and met their teachers and dropped them off, I almost cried. My emotions were on the edge the whole day.

Picking them up from school the first day wasn't great. Poor Katherine did not have as good of a day as she had anticipated. Her tears could have filled a bucket. By getting there so close to the end of the day, it was a bit of a disruption and the kids were distracted, so the teachers were "stern-fully corrective", and to make matters worse, the boys thought Katherine was pretty! She vowed never to go back. I explained to her that it doesn't work that way and that 2 hours of school was not enough to judge what it is like. The next day, Johnny and I walked the kids into the building and talked to the counselor. She was so helpful and offered to take Katherine to class and make sure she got a "buddy" for the day. She even told Katherine she would visit one of her classes. When I picked them up that afternoon (yesterday), she smiled and said it was fun. She, along with some classmates, got to eat lunch with one of their teachers in the classroom. She is making friends, but still has to deal with the pesky boys that say they are her boyfriends. One of them tried to kick a soccer ball at her, but she dodged it. I explained to her that boys that age show girls they like them by hurting them. Haha! Oh- fifth grade...

Travis, Olivia and Ella are loving school. Ella has especially surprised us, since she has never gone to public school. She says everyone in her class is her friend- she is so confident! Next week, the kindergarten class is going to see the Nutcracker. She is so excited! We are blown away at Olivia's progress, after only a couple of days! She is reading better and has a spelling test today. I worked with her a lot last night, and this morning. I hope she does well! Travis couldn't wait to get to school today. His science class is building circuit boards.

My stress level has gone done exponentially! The other day I made cookies with Bryn. When does that ever happen?! And Johnny was home working on college! Knowing my kids are learning, have good teachers and are having fun makes me feel like I'm being a better mom. Did I mention how nice the school and teachers are? Oh my gosh! The building is like brand new and you can tell how much the teachers/faculty really care. The majority of the students are Hispanic, then Black, then White, etc, so everything is written in English and Spanish. I think there must be a lot of parents that don't speak English. Katherine and Travis have spiral planners that use Stephen R. Covey's 7 Habits! They are teaching the kids how to be successful and effective. You can't help but be impressed!

One of the lessons I've learned by moving here and not enrolling my kids, is that it is important to learn things for yourself and not go by what other people tell you. The things I "knew" about the school were not necessarily false, but they weren't based on personal experience. Now that my kids are there and I have seen it for myself, I am able to judge and make decisions.

I know for sure that the Lord isn't disappointed in me and that homeschooling was not a mistake or waste of time. I know for sure that my kids are okay and learning what they need to learn just like I am. I know FOR SURE, these 8 week courses WILL END, and that regardless of the final grades, graduate school will happen.